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Next release: MAY 17 | 4 PM EDT

BOB'S BURGERS ASTROLOGY

What's Your Store Next Door?

What's the new year for if not a fresh start, right? And who's more familiar with fresh starts than the Belcher family. Whether it's grand re-openings, re-re-re-openings, new BFOS or new neighboring businesses, our beloved Ocean Avenue are no strangers to new beginnings. New year, new you, new Store Next Door - read on if you want to find out yours.

Aries

A view of Ocean Avenue. "Bats all Folks!" Exterminator van in front of Bob's Burgers, which is nestled between "It's Your Funeral" funeral home and crematorium and the Year-Round Halloween Store. The Halloween store has 2 signs in the window, one says "Ask about our masks" the other, "closed for Halloween"

Year Round Halloween Store
Full Bars: Season 3, Episode 2

People may see you as a little unorthodox, but they know you're consistent! You are undoubtedly passionate, maybe even a little scary at times, in a way that is extremely befitting of a Halloween store. Much like their single-day closure, you are always keeping people on their toes.

Sagittarius

A black and yellow sign on a storefront that reads "Don't go there: Cautionary Sign Store". In the window is an open sign shaped like a hazardous product symbol

Don't Go There: Cautionary Sign Store
Seaplane!: Season 4, Episode 3

You love your freedom, but you also understand the need for caution and safety. It's a perfect balance. Your proclivity for maintaining order amidst your free-spirited ways means you know the risks, and want to help others (and yourself) avoid them. You're the responsible friend, and we love you for that.

Scorpio

the Pest Control truck sits in front of Bob's Burgers as the snow falls around it. The storefront next to the restaurant has garland hung on the windows, the sign reads "Nog, Nog, Who's There? Egg Nog"

Nog Nog, Who's There? Egg Nog
Christmas in the Car: Season 4, Episode 8

Much like a specialty store for egg nog, you're ambitious. You can always be counted on to bring cheer, even if not everyone accepts it. We all know you're a little secretive (...seriously, what is Egg Nog?) but you're always happy to share in good times with those you love.

Capricorn

A green sign on the storefront reading "Harrison's Chords Charger Store", the Open sign illuminated in the window. the O in open is a 2-prong electrical plug

Harrison's Chords Charger Store
What About Job: Season 13, Episode 3

You know you can be relied on. All of the choices you make are practical and smart. You are the friend everyone needs. What's more practical than a store that sells something literally every person needs? Only you could create an opportunity to please everyone.

Leo

A plain sign on the orange storefront. The sign is yellow with a red, blocky font that says "Hey Now, We're a Rock Store"

Hey Now, We're a Rock Store
Prank You for Being a Friend: Season 12, Episode

You provide a level of whimsy while also being incredibly straight forward. Why not start a store front that not only embraces Smash Mouth's 1999 hit single All Star, but also holds an air of mystery from the outside: Is it basic rocks? Geodes? Crystals? Now we have to go in!

Libra

Vermin's Dead Pest Control truck sits outside of Bob's Burgers, It's your funeral home and crematorium is hidden by a pole. The store next door is dark green text on a yellow sign reading Fern, Baby, Fern Discount Fern Store

Fern, Baby, Fern - Discount Fern Store
Two for Tina: Season 3, Episode 17

As the most reasonable and thoughtful of the signs, you would be the one to choose a store front that accommodates something that makes so many people so happy. You bring light and joy, which can be a breath of fresh air - Libra, are you sure YOU aren't a fern?

Aquarius

I can't go for rats pest control truck sits outside of Bob's Burgers, It's your funeral home and crematorium is hidden by a pole. The store next door is a yellow and blue sign reading "You make my seams come true tailor and dream interpretation" - this is rife with Hall and Oates jokes

You Make My Seams Come True, Tailoring and Dream Interpretation
Bobby Driver: Season 9, Episode 6

Your combination of practicality and uniqueness is a perfect fit for a dream interpreting tailor. People know you are going to make the best choices possible, but also know they can rely on you to lend a listening ear and helping hand when things get tough. You're the total package, really.

Virgo

A red sign with a blue boarder on an orange store front. Yellow text reads "fromage-inary friends cheese shop"

Fromage-inary Friends Cheese Shop
The Ring (But Not Scary): Season 10, Episode 1

You know how to make people smile. You are the cheese of the signs. Why not highlight that by opening a cheese store? You provide options, you are the first to help and give advice. You are one of, if not the most trusted sign in the Zodiac. Tried and true, just like a slice of cheddar.

Taurus

The dark sign is brightened by its bright blue lettering reading "REGRET ME NOT TATTOO" the Open sign looks like a tattoo banner that reads "OPEN"

Regret Me Not Tattoo Shop
The Hormoneiums: Season 6, Episode 14

Your friends trust your artistic eye and that you will never steer them wrong. Much like a good tattoo artist, you have everyone's best interest at heart. You are welcoming of all and want to build lasting relationships. You can be a tough nut to crack, but when people do, they see how wonderful you really are.

Pisces

The Great Ratsby exterminators truck sits outside of Bob's Burgers, It's your funeral home and crematorium is hidden by a pole. The store next door is a yellow and purple sign reading Tandemonium All Your Tandem Bike Needs. The open sign is a tendem bike, and one of the O's is a wheel

Tandemonium; All Your Tandem Bike Needs
A River Runs Through Bob: Season 4, Episode 1

You value the bonds you form with the people you love and you want to be able to help people find that for themselves. There is no better way to do that than with a tandem bike. You are the best at bringing people together, Pisces! Never doubt that.

Gemini

The yellow and pink sign, partially hidden by a small tree, reads "wigs wigs wigs! (and socks). A small purple sign in the window advertises 'Buy 1 wig, get 1 sock FREE!'

Wigs Wigs Wigs! (And Socks)
Tina-rannosaurus Wrecks: Season 3, Episode 7

You're adaptable, and are no stranger to doing two things at once. Not only do you try, you succeed in doing so. Even when it feels like there is a disconnect and the pieces don't fit, you find a way to make things work. Your friends know you have them covered (head to toe!)

Cancer

The open sign in the window features a pink cake with a missing slice. The sign is yellow with red text reading Rude A-bake-ening, cakes for people you hate"

Rude-a-bake-ening - Cakes for People You Hate!
Tina Tailor Soldier Spy: Season 5, Episode 7

People love how quickly you can clap back and stand up for them. A bakery that does just that? Groundbreaking. People admire your ability to cultivate meaningful and lasting relationships. Your loyalty is just icing on the cake.