Geeky Astrology

Oh Gemini, we think you know which team you belong on… Your team is The Mask. You’ve always got the best game strategy and know how to work the court. Oh, and you’ve got magical powers, too! This month, focus on playing fair. Trust us, it feels good to win through good merit and hard work, even though we know you could easily crush everyone using the powers of The Mask.  

Cancer, your team is the Wizard of Oz. We know your heart is in the game. Sure, one of your players doesn’t have a heart yet, but they're working on it! You just want to put together a cohesive group that feels like a family and to make sure everyone can follow their dreams. You are basically a walking talking sports documentary. This month, check in with your brain, your heart, and your courage—you may discover that victory was within you the whole time.  

Thunder Cats … HEY-OH! Hello Leo, you are a strikingly literal representation of the pomp and confidence of a cat and cat-adjacent team (looking at you, Snarf—what are you?) When you’re out on the court, your flashy moves and crowd-pleasing gimmicks are sure to bring joy to anyone in the stands. This month, take a break from being in the spotlight and let someone else get the glory for once—we promise it’ll feel almost as good as the real thing.

Oh Virgo, you’re thinking too much. As the Harry Potter team, you’ve got all kinds of schemes and theories about the other team and the game itself. Maybe the points are rigged? Maybe the referee is a secret Death Eater? Spoiler alert: they’re not, it’s just a game, and, in this sport, we just call them “points”, not “House points”. This month, take a break from thinking about points and win-loss ratios and just have a little fun.

Hello DC—as a team, you know all about balance and dualities. Good vs. evil, heroes vs. villains, real lives vs. alter egos. You know that a good team is all about collaboration and the proper ratios of offense and defense, which is going to make you a tough team to beat. This month, trust the work and strategic thinking you’ve already done to carry you through to where you need to be.

Hey there, Scorpio. Is it at all presumptuous to assume you have trust issues? We know your past relationship with a particular clown-like monster has left you somewhat twisted. But now’s not the time for childish games, there’s a match to be won! In June, embrace the Loser’s Club motto of sticking together and never giving up. Own IT. We’ll all float together...

Sagittarius, the game hasn’t even started yet, and we may have to penalize you for travelling. As a young Hobbit, you’re used to going up against ‘big’ competition. Luckily, your trusted band of elves, dwarves, wizards, and wayward spirits are here to assist you against any treacherous climb to the net. In June, heed our warning – although the basketball is the most precious thing in the game, don’t lose sight of your goal - drop that ball in the fiery hell-mouth of Mordor and save middle earth. We mean...score a 3 pointer and win the game. Same diff.  

In the Game of Thrones, you either win or you die. Pretty bleak, we know, but in Basketball the stakes are equally as high. If you can muster up the courage and gather a battalion of loyal subjects, you’ll conquer the court, and be the King (or Queen) of at least one kingdom. In June, set aside regional divisions and shout your name in victory! Capricorn, storm born of the first house in basketball, ruler of the Space Jam, and Protector of the Ball.

AQUARIUS! Are you even surprised you were drafted into the Looney Toon squad? Typically seen as an underdog, you thrive in unconventional situations. Throw a little dynamite here, a little misdirection over there, and a dash of elderly acrobatics, and you’ve got yourself a game! In June, the competition will be steep, but that’s nothing a bit of cartoonish charisma, and some “Michael’s Secret Stuff”, can’t handle. Or was that the last Space Jam’s winning formula? Either way, good luck, and that’s all folks!  

Pisces, your team is The Iron Giant. It might be a one-man team, BUT you do have a gigantic 50-foot robot. So...that’s pretty cool. Your team literally dominates the court with the Iron Giant’s 50-foot frame, just don’t let him step on any of the other players! This month, follow your heart like the Iron Giant and become who you truly want to be. Don’t let anyone (including government agents) bring you down!

WELCOME TO THE MONSTERVERSE! Oh Aries, if anyone is best suited for the Monsterverse team, it’s you. You’re strong, determined, and energetic, so we think you’ll be the perfect addition to the team. You’ll have no problem dominating the court alongside Kong and Godzilla. But, please, do us all a favour and try not to foul the other players too much...we know how competitive you can get. This month, try to play fair and focus on having fun instead of winning.  

Scooby Doo, where are you?! Taurus, your team is the Scooby Doo squad. We know we can always count on you! You’re the mom of the team. You always show up for every practice and you’ve always got the scooby snacks. What would we do without you? This month, take a break from taking care of the other players and focus on yourself. You deserve a little R&R!