Geeky Astrology

Look, Aries, we all know you need to blow off some steam every once in a while. The trick is finding friends who can handle it if your anger blows off course in their direction. Introducing Darth Maul, your co-pilot, and, more importantly, your sparring partner. If he can handle being sliced in half and dumped into a pit and somehow still survive, he can deal with an outburst or two from you. You two deserve each other. Have fun duking it out!  

Ah Taurus, you level-headed thing you. While we are tempted to pair you with a co-pilot who would challenge you, we know that probably won’t work. You’re a stubborn creature, stuck in your ways, and that’s why your co-pilot is Obi-Wan Kenobi. Just like you, he believes in patience, comfy robes, and not getting worked up about anything in particular. We can’t say you’ll have a particularly fun month hanging out together, but we also can’t say it will be not fun. It’ll be fun-not-fun. Clear enough?  

Gemini, you are all about pairings—this exercise is kind of your whole thing. Luckily for you, we found you a co-pilot who believes that one (lightsaber, that is) is never enough: Ahsoka Tano. We can’t guarantee that you two will always agree, but we can guarantee that talking to each other will give you both a different perspective…just like a reverse grip lightsaber style (sorry, we couldn’t resist). This month, if there’s something that has you stumped, try looking at it from another angle.

Some may call you the chosen one, others may call you Darth [insert your name here], but beyond your outwardly haunting disposition, we know there is a tender heart beneath all that armor. Unlike your co-pilot, Anakin, you don’t need gear to shield you from the world. Your resilience, kind heart, and ambition will see this daunting voyage through. For May, embrace your newly found confidence and take up the mantel as your Sith self – minus the enraged melodrama.  Death Star not included*  

Woah there partner, set those phasers to stun(ning), ‘cause a Leo is coming out of hyperspace. Although it’s not your season just yet, we're sure you’re glamming up for your long tour *ahem* we mean Kessel Run this month. May will be full of surprises, and who better to be by your side than the infamous pilot himself, Han Solo. With your dashing good looks and boisterous personality, we’re sure you’ll be a perfect match. Don’t be surprised if you end up in a kerfuffle with your co-pilot, as he isn’t used to playing second fiddle.  

VIRGO! Not to alarm you, but your circuits seem out of whack...you may need some maintenance. Luckily, your trusty co-pilot CP3O is here to eloquently remind you that your space cruiser is on park and your blaster gun is on empty. With light-years of space travel ahead of you, it's only (artificially) natural that your companion is someone whose robotic and discerning nature matches your judgmental and timid personality. Too harsh? Does not compute! You have a heart of gold, and a body of steel – you were made for this.

Balance in the force there must be, Padawan Libra. Nothing comforts you more than perfect equilibrium between your extravagant aspirations and practical circumstances. However, this month will bring trials and tribulations that may test your strength and will. That is why we have enlisted Jedi Master Yoda to accompany you on your journey. It’s important that you maintain focus on the road ahead, and always remember, “do or do not, there is no try.”  

Scorpio, you’re fiery and independent, so we thought you might get along with Kylo Ren. Is he dangerous? Yes. Is he unstable? Yes. But we know you like to live on the wild side, Scorpio! You’re also probably the only sign that can put up with Kylo’s violent fits, so here we are. Just try not to make him super angry and you should be fine!  

Sagittarius, you’re looking for a capable and trusty co-pilot, which is why we’ve matched you up with Princess Leia. She’s dependable, brave, a true team player, and we bet you can bring out her fun side! Princess Leia is more than capable of flying a ship and handling a blaster, so you may have to step aside and let her do the heavy lifting. You can be in charge of keeping spirits up!  

Ok, Capricorn, please don’t take this personally but your co-pilot is Jabba the Hutt. We think you may have quite a few interests in common *cough* money *cough*. Who said that? You may not be able to understand what Jabba is saying most of the time, but we know you don’t really enjoy small talk anyways. You both would rather get there and back as quickly as possible, so we think he would be the perfect co-pilot. Just don’t get on his bad side...  

Aquarius, we have the perfect co-pilot for you. We know you’re looking for an optimistic and friendly co-pilot, so we found you a partner that you can be your quirkiest most authentic self with. Your co-pilot is none other than Jar Jar Binks! Jar Jar may not be the most capable co-pilot, but you guys are sure to have a journey you’ll never forget. We just hope you aren’t as clumsy as Jar Jar or you’ll be in for a messy ride!  

Dear Pisces, there is a voice in your heart that will always guide you, no matter how much danger you are in. And if there’s someone else who says those things aloud, that’s all the better. Enter Finn, your perfect co-pilot. He’s skilled, determined, and has the deep insight that comes from leaving behind his old life and starting anew. You two are both dreamers and creators, and that’ll take you far. Follow your heart this month, even if where it leads you doesn’t seem to make sense at first.